Of the contributors to this site, I’m the only male. It’s important to portray the masculine point of view of online dating in your mid 20s.
As you might have noticed, the dude/lady ratio in the online dating realm is staggering. Though that margin is becoming more and more narrow, its still a buyer’s (women’s) market. Loads of dudes clamoring for attention and ladies able to pick and choose from their, no doubt, massive list of new messages every day (from what I’ve heard from my fellow contributors).
You have this many new messages!
I’ve been off and on online dating for the better part of 6 years. How many times have I been approached? 7
7 times. An average of 1.167 first messages per year.
Now i’m not an ugly guy, nor am i antisocial. My friends would arguably label me the most outgoing of our group. But that isn’t the reason my approachers have numbered so few.
The real reason? I like to call it “Trawling”.
The same way you try to drum up new business in a call center, men use to get a desired lady’s attention. The same method used to get all the girls in the freshman quad to come to a frat party; same as trying to cold call businesses; same as trying to catch alaskan king crab from the bottom of the frigid Bering Sea.
An accepted method of acquiring female attention online.
Now i’m not sure if that has been experienced by all of you ladyfolk, but does that work?
Maybe you aren’t seeing it. Maybe there’s just enough of an identity in each message to prove humanity. But honestly, how could you tell?
I have a quota of words I’m required to meet?
I have only been doing the online dating dance for a little over a month. Ill admit that sometimes my responses are limited however I didn’t realize I had a certain amount of words or sentences to meet. At times I receive messages where I just get asked questions. Such as what is your tattoo of? Do you have more? Are you mixed with another ethnicity? blah blah blah. So my initial response is to answer they’re questions. It would be rude not to, right? This one particular gentlemen lets say a 4 out of 5 in ratings according to my standards took the time to count my words in each response to his questions. Then he continued to bash me for not using more words and insulted me by saying I was a bad conversationalist. After 3 messages of correspondence.
o.0 Needless to say …. one word… CRAZY.
Dear okcupid.com please ask more question about potential candidates mental health…
Today OKCupid notified me that someone gave me an award; it was a chocolate covered strawberry.
I don’t really understand this “award” concept, but I do know that I’ve never met, spoken to or emailed the man who gave it to me. Without much further adieu, I’m just going to post the note that accompanied my “prize.”
“Awards are stupid, but STRAWBERRIES are my favorite.
I will never forget the moment I met this adorable ball of awesomeness. She had taped her hands and was pretending to be a DINOSAUR, rrraaawwrrr!
First words out of her mouth: “If all the kids in the world wanted basketballs for Christmas, how many balls could Father Christmas fit into his sack?” And I fell. Hard.
If you don’t treat her like the motherfucking princess she is, I will taser your nipples until you whimper the phrase “have mercy on me, almighty Zeus”.
Enjoy the strawberries, love.
Voted #1 in ATL at teaching hobos to ballroom dance “
Take a moment and digest the chocolate covered strawberry… I’m still chewing over it.
Crazy, sick, weirdo.
*I took out his obviously fake name for legal purposes
OK, now that that’s out of the way. Woah, woah, woah. Recently I’ve surrounded by proposals and weddings. Like I said, I couldn’t be happier for my friends, but at the same time, it’s kind of freaking me out.
I’d like to eventually get married, but I’m in no huge rush at the moment. However, I’m scared that with so many of my friends marrying off that I’ll never see them again. Perhaps this is irrational, but hey, this is a blog so I’m allowed to state how I feel about the situation.
There’s so much more to add, but you can read that later on. Today my conclusion is this: I am going to be an EXPERT on what and what not to do in a wedding… it might not be the most marketable skill, but it’ll make me a helpful friend for sure.
Lesson 1: Have one (not 10) glasses of champagne pre-ceremony –> this will cool your jitters and your tears
Lesson 2: Do not spray tan, go tanning, wear a swimsuit with bad tan lines pre-wedding –> this self-explanatory
Lesson 3: Do not let your future hubby throw his bachelor party the night before the wedding unless you want every groomsman to be hungover –> the week before (or several weeks before) might be a better option
Lesson 4: Sit yourself with people you want to sit with reception–> it’s your freaking party, make sure you enjoy it
Lesson 5: Don’t spend a lot on the big things… people will come wherever, sometimes the little things matter the most
So it has been recommended to me to make these posts more personal, so I figure, what’s more personal than my own damn last name?
Growing up the fact that my last name had two — NOT one — “n’s” on the end was a big deal. This is embedded in my nature. Yes, I will argue. Yes, if you are taking my name for a table I will still make sure you write down both “n’s.” Seriously, most of the time, I feel like a bitch – I blame this on my father. He made me this way.
What does this have to do with dating…????
Well, recently I started dating someone with a double letter on the end of his last name. We’ve had brief discussions on how this has entered our lives, but I know there are many more. How often is it that you date someone with a silent double letter on the end of his name? OK, OK maybe I’m weird, but I know many more conversations will probably exist on the subject.
The point? It’s little things, right? It’s those stupid, little, freaking ridiculous things that make conversations. When your dating – take your odd coincidences, run with them … and result will likely lead to entertaining stories. If not, just make fun of your date… that tends to also work out OK too.
At this time last summer, I was miserable. I am happy to report that this summer is going much better. As I drove to work today – and sat in traffic – I took the time to reflect on some major lessons learned. They’re cliche, but deal with it.
1. A Tiger doesn’t change his stripes. Watch the “Emperor’s Club” – it has absoultutely nothing to do with dating, but everything to do with human nature, habits, and inability to change. And this principle absolutely applies to dating. Don’t date someone you want to change; date someone because you like him. Accept the flaws you can deal with, and don’t commit to those you can’t.
2. It’s OK to put yourself first every now and again.
3. Open your eyes. About a year ago, I just went through a break-up. I’d just started a new job and my near-cube-mate said, “What type of car did you just buy?” At the time – considering we were discussing my break-up – it seemed like an odd question, but I responded anyway. He said, “Well, before you owned the car, you probably didn’t notice as many on the road, did you? But now that you drive it, every single one you pass, you notice, right?.” Then he just stared at me as if to lock the message into my soul – people are out there that you might like, you just don’t see them. He had a point.
its only fair to everyone to share this message i just recieved in my inbox today…. it makes me wonder if this line has EVER worked on ANYONE
“I think we have meet before,on a ship, I rescued you as you almost feel of the ship. Your boyfriend was on the boat (it was awkward)I drew a sketch of you and you seem to have thrown a quite large diamond into the sea……..I kinda need that diamond back ”